Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
