GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
