My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
