You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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