My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
