guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
