Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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