I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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