Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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