Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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