the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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