You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Who died my cat blue again?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
