a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
