I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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