I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
