I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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