can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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