Just cropdusted the office
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
