Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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