At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
