Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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