Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
