there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
