i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
