I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
