Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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