I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
