Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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