Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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