This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
