I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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