I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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