dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone shattered a urinal.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
