i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We left the knife in your bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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