apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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