Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just tell him i said nine months
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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