4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
