a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
3pm strippers are depressing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
