There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
two words...techno handjob
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i think i just lost a toe
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
