i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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