need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
