genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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