im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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