I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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