I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
