I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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