I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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