her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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