yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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