is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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