what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
