I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
