K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
