my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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