would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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