Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm having to shit out rocks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
