My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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