I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
