Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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