I have demons in me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
