so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
