Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
