She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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